when is the circus leaving town

Ok so the cicus is in my head and i'm just curious as to when its leaving because you see the lion keeps jumping through flaming rings which is getting my brain clawed and burned and theres also a two ton elephant sitting on my brain i'm hoping the circus leaves before he decides to take a crap on my brain. this joke was funnier in my head and the first time i used it.

humans through a dogs eye

human beings as seen by dogs
strange two legged things with removable furs

human beings as seen by puppies
cool its a moving chew toy

I'm not sure it might just be me but i think this is how my dogs think i have an old dog and a new puppy the new puppy thinks she needs to eat everything that moves and shes only 6lbs my other dog is around 85lbs and she thinks hes the most amazing chew toy in the world. i'm not sure he finds her as amusing as she seems to find him. she also thinks shes bulletproof.

The ghost of Christmas past is coming for you

the ghost of Christmas past is coming for you. seriously though he just wants his t-shirt back apparently you borrowed it and never returned it. then he died but tonight is an awesome ghost party and he wants to wear that shirt so hes coming to get it back from you. next time just return the shirt.

Am I a Beast or a person

Alright so occasionally (ok so mostly everyday) I run around the house eating everything I can find, no there's nothing wrong with me i just burn through food fast. Today I decided to chew on mom a few time eventually she got tired and ask me what is she feeding a carnivorous beast or a human. She says I'd eat her house if it tasted like food so to prove a point I bit the roof of a gingerbread house oops I did eat the house. needless to say its three hours later and the house is gone I ate the whole thing so I guess I would eat the house if it tasted good and it did. :) any way I fell off track sort of I told her I am a beast she told me beasts don't belong in the house. (A little background for you i'm slightly over 5ft and between 115 and 120lbs and junk food is my food of preference but I do eat everything.) hey not my fault well see you later I'm going to find something else to eat.

What to do on an ATV.

Excellent tips to (not) follow while riding an ATV, UTV, or other motor vehicle. *Warning Most Of These Ideas Can Cause Severe Bodily Harm Or Death Do Not Try Ever* and if you are stupid enough to actually try your actions will be seen as suicidal and we are thus not responsible for your bad judgement.
First if it has a seat belt do not wear it its not there for safety its there to restrict your amount of fun.
Second cut the brake cables these only slow you down and that,s no fun
Third start the engine
Fourth drive around until you find a big steep hill and see how long it takes to flip your vehicle while trying to go up the hill at random angles and speeds. (if you are unable to roll the vehicle the hill is not steep enough try a bigger one).
Fifth if the rolling wasn't enough thrill for you try seat belting up (so you don't float out of the seat) and seeing if your vehicle is amphibious and drive it under the water.
Sixth always watch a movie while driving watching the road is for squares.
Seventh as if there wasn't enough ways to get yourself killed play Russian roulette with the passengers and make bets on who will still be alive at the end.
*Again All Of These Are Bad Ideas Do Not Try Them Ever Or Be Ready To Die* I take no responsibility for this post or your resulting actions from it. I do not believe humans to be this incapable of making decisions for themselves that they would be unable to make their own choices.

taking over the world

Ok I am awesome today I have concocted the most incredible item you see today we have fries and these are not just ordinary fries these fries will help me take over the world. you see because they contain a special product I made. They come in many varieties including many types of fries, tots, chips, baked potato, and oven roasted. we couldn't make boiled because that reacts badly with the substance and it causes mutations. So would you like any of the a fore mention potato products we are have a sale its free trial day. By the way all orders come with a side of brainwashing that is built into the fries but don't worry this isn't harmful to you. (microscopic print : side effects: This will cause you to do what ever i say and follow my every whim, may also cause stomach ache, insomnia, and severe dehydration.)

today's joke

So I guess its time for a new joke from me. This one is a skit thingy.
Moron 1 (this is always me): I look like a freaking drunk penguin.
Moron 2 (me modifying my voice): How do you know? Have you ever seen one?
Moron 1: Yeah I've seen one.
Moron 2: when?
Moron 1: This morning when I looked in the mirror.
Moron 2: *Face palms and shakes head*
This one works well at weddings I think well I'll let you know like June or July next year (2013) cause i'm gonna use it at my best friends wedding (maybe they'll let me just sit in the back so I don't try anything else.)
My mom says I better not do this. When I get the YouTube version up I will link it so you can watch how its supposed to look sort of.

wow i must be funny today you get three jokes in one day ok well this one jumped into my lap its actually true but its funny, so today i gave blood and this is where the joke begins
when mom saw my face she goes what did you do to your face?
I told her you think i look bad you should see the other guy
she asked who i got in a fight with
i told her the floor there isn't a scratch on it
she looked at me like i'm crazy
so here is the base of why she said that after donating blood I got up to leave walked a bit and passed out and well my face hit the floor so its a little busted, I wear glasses and their frames were bent before I straightened them back out. sometimes the truth is funny or maybe I'm crazy your choice you can reply and tell me if I'm crazy or not don't forget to follow me so you can here the crazy stuff i come up with.

OK, so just in case you didn't know there's a follow button up top if you click it you will make me very happy well not really but you will get automatic updates when I post awesome jokes and stuff. I almost forgot to tell y'all but I lost your mind see I borrowed yours because I misplaced mine and well I kinda lost your mind  :).

Some of my favorite quotes
I didn't lose my mind I just misplaced it (I made this one)
I'm not single I'm romantically challenged (I don't know who made this one but they are really smart)
All I know is that I know nothing (Aristotle)
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup (I don't know who wrote this one either but if someone knows I'd be glad to change them) you can always reply to my posts :)

So here's my first jokes thing its a story everyone knows about the three little pigs right well here's the problem there was actually four little pigs and I happen to be one of them and this is how things really happened my youngest brother he never had much for brains he made his house of straw and well the wolf didn't waste time huffing and puffin he just pushed the straw over and ate my little brother.  My little sister she thought that a nice house of wood would be strong but you see she used sticks and well when the wolf came down went her house. What a shame he ate her too. So my big brother he really is smart he made his house of bricks and mortar but when the wold came and could knock the house down he just went down the chimney and you see there was no fire in the fireplace it was summer and we pigs are vegetarians. So the wolf just gobbled him up but you see I'm the smartest because I made my house of gingerbread and you see when the wolf came he couldn't find any other way in he started to eat my house and by the time he got in he was stuffed so he left vowing to return. The next day I rebuilt what he ate and when he returned he ate my walls again always with the same result until one day weeks later he didn't come back to my house. I heard that he ate himself to death and I never saw him again. This is how the story really went.

Hi I'm Sabriel and this is my blog where i will write my bad jokes and bad ideas.